Tearing Apart Old Memories

The moment I knew clutter, busyness, and excess no longer had a place in my life was when I looked around my bedroom and thought "I feel tired of all of this." The stuff had begun to suffocate and overwhelm me in more ways than one.

We get so used to the objects in our lives taking up space that they become part of the wallpaper in a manner of speaking. There were items I didn't really look at but my eyes fell on them every day. I just had no idea they were making me feel bogged down and messy.

I won't lie to you, taking a deeper look at the items on your shelves and in your closet can be daunting. I spent an entire month last summer cleaning out my bedroom. Even after the month was over, there were still things I needed to get rid of.

That leads me to my main point for this post. About a month ago, I was (again) pulling things out of my closet and reassessing what I needed to keep or throw away. Yes, even though I had cleaned it out like a madwoman a few months prior, there were still things I was emotionally attached to. So hear me right now: I confess that I put things back that I should have let go.

One of those things was a scrapbook. This scrapbook had photographs of high school and youth group events from previous years. The first time I put it back in the closet, I remember thinking "I should keep this." I failed to ask myself why. Looking back, I feel stupid for not throwing it out. I had no attachment to it other than a pressure inside me that said "keep it." I now recognize this as some kind of emotional manipulation. My brain was telling me that it should make me happy for some reason.

I'll tell you the truth, there were pictures of people in the scrapbook that (for some weird reason) I felt I needed to keep because they would be offended if they knew I wanted to throw it out. In essence, I wanted to throw it away because many of those pictures brought back bad memories. I don't hate those people, but I don't want to keep pictures of them in my house either.

I wouldn't frame those pictures and hang them on my walls, so why would I want to keep them hidden away in my closet? Hiding something that only you know about can be a powerful thing. It gives power to an object that you may inwardly hate because you are not sharing that burden with someone who loves you.

And if you have pictures of a major life event and those pictures are of people you no longer are in relationship with, photoshop them out. Don't allow bad memories to hold you hostage.

As I held the scrapbook in my hands, I realized that by keeping it tucked away in my closet (yes, I hid it because I didn't want to see it) I was allowing those people and past events to take up residence not only in my home, but in my mind.

It's been many years since that time, and I am a different person now. I don't need them and they don't need me, even though in high school I couldn't imagine my life without them. We were never truly friends and I see that now because of the people from that time who have actually stayed my friend.

Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing those people. But I do want to state facts here because practicing minimalism and getting real with yourself is important for decluttering and pushing anything out of your home that makes you feel stressed or overwhelmed. We could go all Marie Kondo here and say "If it doesn't spark joy, what's the purpose?" But I'm not talking about sparking joy. I'm talking about whether or not it is healthy. Eating vegetables is healthy. It may not make us smile all the time, but in the long run, it's good for us to eat our greens. The same goes for getting rid of unwanted things.

So here's what I did: I went through each page of the scrapbook and tore out the few pictures of people I love and threw away the rest. However, I didn't just throw the book away. I ripped the pages down the middle and pulled the binding apart. I won't lie to you, it felt really good to shred it. Almost like finally realizing at 30 years old, that I don't need those people in my life anymore. I don't want them lurking in my closet (metaphorically speaking) because their presence compromises my emotional well-being.

Sounds harsh, but it is true. And it can be true for you, too.

If there's one thing I've learned on this minimalism journey, it's that sometimes you need to put old things and relationships away in order to move forward. There are people in your present and future who need you, so don't waste your time or energy on those who 1. Don't think about you anymore 2. Who may or may not have hurt you in the past. That pain and frustration will suck the life out of you and leave you emotionally dry and exhausted.

If you're joining me on this minimalism journey, take a stand when it comes to items that bring back bad memories. Take a hard look at the object without allowing it to tell you what to do. Don't let it rule your home or your heart.

Let God lead in this area. If the memories make you bitter, cut them out of your life. Refuse to allow darkness into your home. Open the door and chuck them out onto the sidewalk. Free yourself.